This blog is part of a 5 part series about trauma and traumatic brain injuries. It is important to share this information as I have determined that this is a huge part to brain injury recovery. It is said that approximately 10% of TBI survivors don’t recover. Why is that? One solution I’ve learned is that addressing and assessing personal trauma is critical to recovery.
Last Friday, I received a text at 11:36 PM from my cousin who I am close with. She knows my story well. She is getting married for the first time at 44 years old to a wonderful man. She has been going through some difficult times and I have been very supportive. Her text stated that she wanted to let me know that she talked to my brother and my dad. My twin brothers decided at the last minute to go to her wedding and she hopes that I will still come. Twin 1 (the bully) had RSVP’ed that he and his wife would not be able to make it. I parlayed to her that Twin 2 and his wife wouldn’t be attending either. She HAD to get the confirmation from Twin 2 though. She texted him and that started the fury. The twins then decided they would fly in for the day and “represent” my dad since he is unable to attend due to his back issues.
The thing that hurts me the most is that I offered to fly in early and help her with any last minute wedding matters. I’m deeply hurt that she didn’t take into account my feelings and the relationship that she and I cultivated. She knows about the violence, rage, anger and psychological abuse I’ve endured. She knew my brother physically assaulted me recently. If the situation were reversed, I would disinvite her brother. Period.
Furthermore, it’s simply inconsiderate to drop a bomb on me at 11:36 PM on a Friday, virtually telling me this is MY problem – fix it. I repeatedly asked her to call me over the weekend. The following day I became violently ill and spent the weekend on my bathroom floor. I canceled my plans for her wedding that Sunday. She didn’t even call me back until Monday.
The following morning (Saturday), Twin 2 who lives out of state called my mother and I incessantly screaming, threatening us, and claiming that my mom and I are his “triggers.” FALSE – your triggers are women that don’t put you on a pedestal. Then he blames ME for his twin getting violent with me recently. WTH? Typical addict behavior. Who made these twins better than everyone? These boys are both miserable. I have honestly never seen such unhappy people who have amazing lives! Again, not my problem.
My cousin’s text and lack of consideration was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ve done everything I can to help my cousin. Even every time I came to Michigan (with severe TBIs and PCS), I always had to go see her. She has NEVER come to see me or was even willing to drive to my mother’s home. It’s really sad but I’m realizing this was a one-way relationship and it breaks my heart.
On top of all this chaos, her mother did horrible things to my parents and me when I got married. Not one person from that side of the family was at my wedding, other than my Grandma. Her mother had recruited all her siblings to go to another wedding to see her grandson as the ring bearer – no joke. To this day, I have been kind and supportive of their family but her text re-triggered what her mother had done to my family. I CHANGED my wedding date to accommodate her mother and her mother STILL to this day won’t admit that she lied and mixed up the dates – I still have the paperwork from the other couple’s wedding! The coverup was far worse than the offense. I’m tired of walking on eggshells with this family. Also, my cousin had the audacity to then accuse me of trying to ruin her wedding. Shame on her as she knows that is not in my nature. Plus, why would I be so supportive then ruin her wedding? C’mon, this is psycho babble talk that I choose to not engage in. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!
Stay tuned tomorrow as the saga continues…